Satori no Kanzen
by Mempyisms
Summary: :: Warnings: Shounen ai, Sexual Situations, Suggestive Dialogue and/or Intense Swearing, Yamagi Being Overly Scary, Hiead Actually Being The Victim (which in itself is scary...) ::


Disclaimer: I don't own, don't sue!  
  
Title: Satori no Kanzen  
  
Author's Notes: **shivers** Where did I come up with this sick idea? _ I...am one twisted soul... **cough**  
  
Warnings: Strong Shounen ai, Suggestive Dialogue and/or Intense Swearing, Yamagi Being Overly Scary, Hiead Actually Being The Victim (which in itself is scary...)  
  
  
  
^^^^  
  
  
  
Maybe this isn't me; I shouldn't be feeling such damn emotions!  
  
The idea of becoming a Goddess Pilot now seems more distressing than comforting, as it always does. I can't even...even touch him, let alone desire him. I suppose, or rather know, I will forever be doomed to whallow, whallow in my unrequited love, which, as a slap in the face for irony's sake, appears also my unrequited hate.  
  
Damn. Damn it all to bloody hell.  
  
Again, the gentle rising and falling of Clay's chest slurs the rasping breaths that pass my own lips. Again...and again.  
  
The same; each night and day and morning and evening and everything! Continuously, painfully...the same.  
  
Damn.  
  
Damn. It. All. To. Hell.  
  
I clench my jaw, gritting my perfect teeth together, willing the clock's hands to move faster. If I don't break free from this hell-hole room soon, I'll go insane!  
  
Not that it matters, however. A delicate, bitter, evil smirk curves my parched lips. They all think I'm insane, and have since the beginning. I suppose my coldness and cruelty had a part in such assumptions...  
  
Abruptly, a bell rings, alerting me to the dawning of a new day, or to another empty world, as I prefer to name it.  
  
  
  
^^^^  
  
  
  
Training...was especially hard today. A tender-to-touch stomach and a broad limp, I realize, is a cracked rib and a swollen ankle.  
  
Simply two more injuries settled upon a mountain of minor others. I don't show signs of my pain; I never do. I...can't. A reputation remains a reputation, as far as I'm concerned, and--  
  
I feel a body slam itself, unceremoniously, into mine. The frail ankle I possess does little to steady my balance...  
  
This was unnecessary, unfortunately, for the world grew darker, the air heavier, and nothing was spoken when my face met the floor.  
  
  
  
^^^^  
  
  
  
I awoke to intense light, and, reaching up, concluded my head was still in place, a rather nasty bump blemishing my forehead.  
  
Trivial details were silly, I concluded, and I slipped from the infirmary bed I had been lain upon. The reason as to why I was here, and who had brought me, were two very different things, indeed.  
  
Rampant ponderings halted, though, whilst my legs caved beneath me, light as I was.  
  
An interesting prospect sprang forth after I found the inevitable impact slowly but surely become less inevitable...  
  
Two arms hoisted me back onto the bed, and I had not the incentive to struggle...yet.  
  
"What in the fuck are you doing!" a voice lashed.  
  
Blazing violet eyes furiously glared into ruby-red.  
  
"Yamagi." I acknowledged him briefly. He didn't skip a beat.  
  
"You didn't..." his fingers tightened around my shoulders. "...answer my question."  
  
Low, menacing, deadly. All these adjectives accurately described his tone.  
  
I would have liked to know how he cared so much, but I furthermore understood I wouldn't ask. Instead, I narrowed my eyes to match the slits his made, and shoved his hands from me. "Get the hell out."  
  
"Baka Hiead." he muttered inaudibly, and I heard him. He left, supposedly, moments later.  
  
I hadn't noticed; I was too near unconsciousness.  
  
  
  
^^^^  
  
  
  
Two days into the future found me listlessly staring at the ceiling, sprawled on the same bed I had been sprawled on for the previous three days.  
  
Surprisingly, Yamagi Kushida, the fool, had been taking a strange fondness to me, and had visited me on several occasions.  
  
Granted, those 'occasions' usually involved yelling and a few stray punches, but why the violet-haired youth bothered to come at all was the unsolved puzzle.  
  
I didn't care. If he desired to waste his time, it wasn't my problem.  
  
This bed was starting to irritate me, and a troubling thought--something that had plagued me for weeks--surfaced, probing the untouched edged of my sadistic mind.  
  
I was, undoubtedly, in love with Zero Enna. Yet I despised him, also.  
  
So why? Why was I drawn to the shitty brat?  
  
Wondering ended me nowhere, and I eventually resorted to cursing my predicament, Zero Enna, and the entire world.  
  
Damn. Dam it all to hell. Damn it all to hell and back. Damn it all to hell and back and to hell again. Damn it all to hell and back and to hell and back and to hell again. Damn it all to hell and back and to hell and back and to hell and back and to hell again. Damn it all to hell and back and to hell and--  
  
The slight whir and swish of the infirmary door opening and closing caught my attention.  
  
Someone took a seat beside my bed. I didn't have to glance to know it was Yamagi.  
  
Something was...different, amiss. Yamagi's demeanor wasn't cold, nor angry, nor weirdly haughty. It was...just...different...  
  
"Hiead..." he spoke softly.  
  
A change. He never spoke softly, unless he was threatening someone, and he certainly was not threatening me.  
  
"Hiead...you bastard."  
  
My eyes shifted to his face, and I was immediately on my feet, hands grasping the collar of his uniform.  
  
"What did you say?" Ready to choke him, I recieved yet another kind surprise as he stared at me, a strange, unknown emotion gleaming within his eyes.  
  
"Hiead..." Then Yamagi roughly shoved me backward--backward against the spotlessly-white wall of the GOA infirmary--and kissed me.  
  
I was paralyzed, utterly stunned, before raw fury overcame my senses, along with vile disgust and abhorrence. I moved to push him, and he released me.  
  
"You fucker!" I sneered.  
  
An eerie, even gaze pierced my own, and Yamagi Kushida turned to leave. He stopped, directly in front of the exit. "Have a nice day...Hiead."  
  
And he was gone.  
  
I hadn't regained enough of my scattered bearings to follow him, and I stood there. Hastily wiping my mouth using the back of my hand, I spit the lingering taste of him on the floor. The whole situation merely nausiated me.  
  
Oh, fuckin' shit. Oh, damn fuckin' shit. Oh, damn fuckin' damn shit. Oh, damn fuckin' damn fuckin' shit. Oh damn fuckin' damn...  
  
I repeated this, over and over, continuing to hack up the saliva in my mouth.  
  
This was bad...  
  
This was fucking bad...  
  
  
  
^^^^  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Anno...how was it? TELL ME! I swear, I won't ever write the next chapter if you don't review...  
  
Er...which...probably isn't much of a threat, because I don't think many people will like it, anyways... **sniffle, sniffle** 


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